Laugh Out Loud: The Funniest Blonde Jokes That Will Brighten Your Day

Everyone enjoys good laughter in the company of their friends, and blonde jokes offer just that. While blondes are attractive, they often fall victim to the stereotype that they are dumb, hence the spread of blonde jokes, memes, and one-liners.

Who wouldn't love to hear some funny blonde jokes? Here is a mix of the funniest, silliest, and dirtiest blonde jokes and one-liners that will leave you dying with laughter.

Funny Blonde Jokes

Engage your friends with funny jokes. Here are some of the best hilarious blonde jokes that will crack them up:

Q: Why did the blonde put her iPad in the blender? A: She wanted to make apple juice.
Q: Why do blondes always wear green lipstick? A: They know red means stop.
Q: Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead? A: She was trying to make up her mind.
Q: What did the blonde say when told to make ice cubes? A: "I don't know the ingredients."
I once asked a blonde girl why she was dry, and she said: "I have missed swimming for six years."
A guy said, "Money can't buy happiness." The blonde replied, "Well, I just bought a drink at happy hour."
Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? A: Knock on the door.
Q: What did the blonde say when asked who was responsible for the pregnancy? A: It could be mine!
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? A: Because Toes Go In First.
A blonde girl entered an electronics shop to get a bargain. She said to the salesperson, "I want to buy that TV." The salesperson replied, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." The blonde was angered and immediately went to dye her hair. She returned and told the salesperson, "I want to buy that TV." The blonde left again and got a haircut, change of clothes, and wore shades. She came back days later and told the salesperson, "I want to get that TV." The salesperson still replied, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." The blonde was frustrated and asked, "How do you even know that I am a blonde?" The salesperson chuckled and replied, "Because that is a microwave!"

Clean Blonde Jokes

Be careful not to offend your blonde friend with a joke. Break into a hearty laugh each time while still playing safe with these clean blonde jokes:

A blonde was feeling hungry in the middle of the night. She tiptoed across the medicine cabinet on her way to the kitchen. When asked why, she said, "I did not want to wake the sleeping pills."
Some ten blondes were standing outside a club. Why didn't they go in? The sign said, "Must be 18+ to enter."
Two blondes fall into a well. One asks the other, "Is it dark in here?" The other replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
The teacher asked a blonde to write the number 11. She did not write anything. When asked, she said, "I couldn't tell which comes first."
A blonde lady carries a pig under her arm as she walks down the streets. A man passes by and asks, "Where did you get it?" The pig replied, "I won her at a raffle competition."
How do you get a blonde busy the whole day? Give her a piece of paper written "please turn over" on both sides.
A woman asks, "How do I get to the other side of the river?" The blonde yells, "You are on the other side!"
Q: Why was the blonde excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle in 8 months? A: Because the box was written, from 2-5 years.
Q: Why did the blonde purchase a brown cow? A: So that she could get chocolate milk.

Dumb Blonde Jokes

It is a stereotype that blondes are unintelligent and dumb. Below are examples of the dumbest jokes ever told!

Q: How can you easily manage to confuse a blonde? A: Put her in a circle and tell her to go to the corner.
Q: Why did the blonde have all her makeup mixed up? A: She could not make up her mind.
A blonde girl stares at an apple juice bottle for 3 hours simply because it says "concentrate."
I told a blonde to "hold that thought," and she held her hands tightly over her ears.
Q: Why did the physics tutor break up with the biology tutor? A blonde's answer: There was no chemistry.
A blonde enters a restaurant and orders pizza. The waiter asks her whether to slice it into six or twelve pieces. She says, "No! I'll take six; I can't finish twelve."
A waiter once asked a blonde at a hotel, "Can I take your order?" and she replied, "No, it's mine!"

Dirty Blonde Jokes

Some people enjoy jokes that are a little bit perverted. Here is a list of some of the dirtiest jokes.

Q: How do you tell a blonde to get off her knees? A: "Come!"
Q: How is a blonde similar to a doorknob? A: Everybody gets a turn.
Q: Why did the blonde keep smiling when walking down the aisle? A: She realized she gave her last blow job.
Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant? A: Her feet.
A blonde goes for her regular checkup. When the dentist tells her to open wide, she says, "I can't, the chair has arms."
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard? A: Grade 4.
Q: Why does a blonde whistle when peeing? A: To know what lips to wipe.
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? A: Pregnant.
Q: What has "c*m" and is long & wide? Blonde: Cucumber.
Blonde: Hey, what's up! Boy: If I tell you, you'll sit on it.
Q: How are blondes like peanut butter? A: They spread for the bread.

Blonde Jokes One-Liners

A good joke told in just a single line will keep everyone laughing. Below are some of the best blonde jokes one-liners you could share, try creating a dumb blonde meme from either:

The blonde chose snow white and the seven dwarfs for an eight-character long password.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?"
Q: What do you call a blonde who never showers? A: A dirty blonde.
The blonde used a selfie stick to get a long look at herself.
Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation? Because she threw out all the bent ones.
Q: What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? A: She sticks it in the microwave.
Some guy knocked on a blonde's door, asking for a small donation for the local pool. The blonde gave him a glass of water.
Blonde: I will sell my broken watch when the time is right.
What's blonde and dead in a closet? The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.

Sharing blonde jokes is a great way to enjoy time with your friends. Just keep in mind that they could be a sensitive topic to some, and you would not want to end up annoying people, so be careful when sharing them. Otherwise, laugh all the way!